Friday, January 4, 2013

Reflections and Resolutions

2012 was clearly one of the worst years for me personally, but focusing on the lessons learned helps it seem as though it wasn't completely wasted. 
1) Trust your gut first - if something feels wrong, it is. Full stop. People lie, your gut doesn't.
2) Put yourself first - there is absolutely no reason to put your own goals and career on the back burner for someone else until you have a family. I'm young, these are the years I should be establishing my own career, not adjusting my own to better align with someone else's.
3) Let go - this one I'm still struggling with. Accepting that B is actually a pretty terrible person has been really tough, because on some level I do still care about him and want him to be ok. I've taken steps to cut him out of my life, but having mutual friends and knowing we'll see each other again is anxiety provoking. But, I'm getting there. 

These reflections are worthless without a plan to put them to good use. I'm making a few promises to myself, resolving to build the life I want to live.
1) Pause. Rather than getting swept up in new relationships, hold back a bit. Breathe. Check your gut. Proceed with caution. 
2) Spend time with good people. I need to work harder to nurture the friendships that are most important to me. I have amazing people in my life. And, conversely, spend less time with people I don't click with. This is particularly important as the online dating thing progresses. I tend to feel obligated to hang out with people I've been communicating with, even when I'm not really enjoying myself. However, I'm also not going to be rude and blow them off. A rational explanation that I'm not feeling a connection is perfectly acceptable.
3) Leap. I'm going to move to Toronto this year. This is huge. I'm going to put myself out there, make new friends, and get a somewhat fresh start. I might get a tattoo. Shake up the routine. Go out more.

Here's to 2013.